Insult Name
by Grayy-Sunshiine
Summary: Oneshot FredxOc; We're strange, of course, because we like calling each other names. Insults were the begining of our friendship; it's only right it's the begining of our relationship too.  R


[[…]]

" I f r e a k i n g l o v e y o u d o u s h e b a g "

"Hey, so are you really going out with Will Smithers?"

"HOLY MOTHER OF…" My books fell off my lap as I jumped, black ink spilling all over the paper I was writing for Defense against the Dark Arts. "Fred! You doushe, stop scaring me like that!" Fred smirked and laughed when I tried to whack him on the head with my muggle book. I dropped it back on the couch (because he dodged it and I didn't want to throw it and have to pick it up again) and crouched down to pick up my sopping wet things. "Wait, what did you say about me and Will Smithers?"

Fred jumped over the back of the couch. "I didn't know my mum was holy, by the way." I rolled my eyes at him as I siphoned the ink off my book and papers. He took out his wand and helped me. "And Will Smithers is telling everyone you've agreed to go out with him...did you really just call me a doushe?"

"Yes, Fred, I called you a doushe," Cue eyes again. "Wait! Huh?"

He snickered. "That answers my question. Do you even know what 'doushe' really means?"

"_No, _I don't know what it means nor do I want to because knowing you it's something completely perverse that will scar my _poor poor_ virgin ears!" I cried, tucking my essay between the pages of _The Encyclopedia of Defense_. "However, I would like to know where Smithers is so I can _strangle_ him to death!" I clenched my hands into fists, then stuffed them into my armpits and started pacing in front of the fire. "I should have just got rid of him second year!"

"Whoa there, wildcat, you can strangle him during class tomorrow," He grinned at me. "So we can all enjoy it then." Fred patted the space next to him and I plopped down, pouting.

"So where's your other half?" I murmured, leaning up against his shoulder. He swung an arm around my shoulders and I maybe sorta kinda blushed a little. I kinda maybe sorta had a little crush on him…Oh, who am I kidding? I'm in love, dammit.

"He's making out with Angel Whorey-Mc-Whore-Whore in the library, I think." Fred rolled his eyes. I pushed up to stare at him. "He's so stupid! Can't he see that Angie's been in love with him since like forever? I'm going to kill him! Why do some smart guys have to be so dumb all the time! Do you ever see smart girls with dumb guys? Nooooo! UGH!" I ranted, flailing my arms with angry eyes, then flumped back against his shoulder, pulling my legs up skirt-style. "He's such an effing…uh…hoecake!"

Fred looked at me, amused. "Hoecake?" I scowled, hitting him hard with a pillow. "Don't make fun of my words. I was running out of insult-names, doushe."

Fred wailed. "It's a mockery of all insult-names! You can't use it if you don't know what _it means_. That makes the insult totally worthless!"

I stuck out my tongue. "You know what, just 'cause you said that, you're now _my_ doushe bag! So nyehhh!"

Fred clapped his hands over his mouth in an attempt to hold his snickers back (be noted he failed—epically). I raised an eyebrow and he just shook his head. "Well, then, if I'm your…—coughcough— doushe bag," insert snicker, "that means you're my…uhm…hoecake!" He stuck his tongue out at me, grinning that mischievous grin at me.

"Fine then!"

"Fine then!"

We both looked away from each other at the exact same time, pouts on both our faces. Then we both turned and smiled at each other, laughing slightly. I settled back against his side and we stared at the fire for a few more minutes before Fred broke our comfortable silence.

"Hey, Ezzy, don't worry about George and Angie too much," Fred murmured, playing with my hair. "George is just trying to make her jealous. He's just mad because he saw her—and I quote—'getting snuggly with that idiotic pompous Roger Davies.' Unquote."

I frowned, biting my lip. "I know. But I can't help but worry. I mean, they're my best friends and I don't want anything bad to happen and me have to choose sides. I love 'em both equally, 'ya know?"

Fred nodded solemnly, and then smiled at me, mischievous sparkle in his eyes. "Yeah, but think on the bright side. If something bad happens between them, then I won't have to share you!" He said jokingly, tickling me lightly. I laughed, and my heart beat a little faster, not just from the squirming.

I collapsed back onto his lap and yawned tiredly. Stupid body. Who wanted sleep when you could spend time with Fred? Speaking of him, he looked down at me with that twinkle in his eyes. "Tired?"

"Nooooo…"

"Liar."

"I don't wanna go to sleep!" I complained. He smirked. "Alright then, looks like I'll have to carry you then!"

"W-what!" I yelped as Fred scooped me up, bridal-style, I might add, grabbed my bag and started walking toward the girl's staircases. "Put me down, Fred! Put me down right now!" Fred just laughed, stunned the stairs and carried me up; I struggled all the way.

[[…]]

I grumbled as by bag _thunked_ down next to me, muttering under my breath. "…damn stalkers…" Angie laughed as she set down beside me. "Sorry, girl, but I didn't want to clean up a murder this morning."

"But, Angie," I whined. "You should have freaking let me kill him! Do you know what he was saying? He tried to put an arm around me, Angie. Hello, invasion of my privacy bubble!" I exclaimed, pouting. "You should have let me strangle him!"

"You don't seem to have a problem when _Fred_ puts his arm around you," Angie snickered, grabbing a piece of toast and slathering it with marmalade. "Angie!" I flushed red. "And you don't have a problem when _Georgie _does it to you either!" I shot back.

"What about Georgie and Angie?"

"AHHH!" I clutched my shirt above my heart in fright, "Stop doing that you two!" Angie blushed and tried to cover up what we were talking about, "N-nothing you need to worry about!" The twins shrugged as they dropped into their seats, George in front of me and Fred on the other side of me.

Fred winked at me, "Morning, Hoecake."

I smirked and copied him. "Morning, doushe bag."

At that, George burst into a fit of laughter, laughing so hard he cried. Angie just kinda stared at us. "…do I even wanna know?" We nudged each other and grinned. "…Does she, Fred?" We looked at each other for a moment before saying, "Nahhh…" in sync. Angie rolled her eyes.

Once George had once again joined us in the land of the breathing, he said, "Nice show you put on for us there, Ezzy, though I was hoping you'd strange him and save us the trouble." I pouted and glared at Angelia.

"Yeah, I know, I wanted to strangle him too. Isn't that right, _Angelia_," I grumbled. She rolled her eyes. "We've gone over this, _Ezebel_. I don't like picking up dead people before breakfast." Sigh. Yes, Ezebel is my name. Ezebel Hendricks. Freaking weird, right?

"My parents are freaks," I muttered under my breath, like I did at any mention of my full name. All three of my friends rolled there eyes. "And your not?" George said, scorn lacing his words.

"Le Gasp!" I exclaimed with a fake French accent. "You just noticed? Oh, la tristesse!" I mimed swooning. Georgie and Angie chuckled into there hands as I fake-fainted back into Fred's arms. Fred smirked, "No, sweetie, we always knew, but we didn't want to frighten those voice in your head." I immediately grabbed a book from my bag and smacked him on the head with it.

"Fre-ed," I whined. "You totally ruined my dramatic faint, you doushe!" Both George and Fred exchanged glances—well it was more their freaking "twin telepathy." George: -smirk- Does she even know what that means? Fred: -smirks back- No. And then they started snickering into there hands.

Angie glared at them. "Just what are you two snickering about? Oh, and Ezzy, how do you know French?" The twins shot her innocent looks, followed by a "Nothing, _Angie_," which she responded to with a "Yeahhh, sure," and a snort. I just shrugged at her question.

"My sister got bored and learned French. Now she can't stop writing-slash-talking in it." I explained.

"Sometimes I think your sister is crazier than you." Fred muttered into his drink, scowl on his (rather perfect) face. I smirked. Fred was not good terms with Ally.

"Awwww, is ickle Freddikins afraid of big bad Allyssa-wyssa?" I teased, grinning. Fred blushed and almost spit out his pumpkin juice. "Of course I'm not," He swallowed. "It's just…I have a problem with her…rather _different _ways of dressing and her"—gulp—"strange eye makeup." Fred avoided all eye contact. Angie, George and I exchanged looks, and then burst out laughing.

Fred flushed an indignant shade of red. "It's not that funny! She's bipolar and insane, I_ swear. _She gave me the evil eye! I thought she was going to kill me!" He pouted. Angie managed to get an "I'm sure she was plotting your death, Fred!" around her laughs, but me and Georgie weren't so fortunate. We all but stopped breathing, we were laughing way too hard. Fred slid down into his seat and buried his red face into his cup.

"Oh," I huffed, pulling myself upright, "That was _great._" Fred shot a glare at me. "Done laughing at me are you?" I shot him a grin and a wink.

"Aww, Freddikins, we weren't laughing _at_ you, we were laughing _with_ you."

I put an arm over his shoulder jokingly, rubbing him arm in a patronizing way. "I'm sure you were, hoecake." Fred rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breathe that sounded like "…is nothing sacred in friendship anymore…"

"Awe, It's our job to tease you, bubby," George taunted, standing. "Anyway, I was thinking of heading to class a little early to grab a good seat. Hear we're gonna be telling each other's fortunes today"—Grin—"Want me to walk you to class, Angie?" Fred shot him this look that screamed, 'Go for it!' I knew exactly what was going on. And let me tell you, I tried _really _hard not to laugh at poor _poor _Georgie-worgie.

"Go ahead Angie, we'll meet you there," I encouraged, smiling at her all mischievous-like (And snickering like crazy on the inside). She shot me a suspicious look but went will George anyway. As soon as they were out of the Great Hall I turned to Fred and demanded (I'm sure my eyes were glittering like a freaking diamond), "Well? I saw that look mister! Give me the deets!" I sat on the edge of my seat, expectant look on my face.

"See, last night when George got back from his little 'escapade,' we kinda got into a fight about Angie and him. We made up this morning though—he should be asking her out right now!"

"YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!"

I think just about the whole Great Hall stared at us. Well, me. 'Cause I was sorta kinda standing and pumping my fist up in the air at the same time. I just stared back at them until they got uncomfortable and said, "What? Can't a girl get excited over her breakfast?"

They all looked away (except Smithers, until I growled at him.) "Sooo… tell me the Persuasion Tactic?"

"Tactic 818."

"Niceee, Freddikins." Fred raised an eyebrow.

"You don't remember what that is, do you?" I looked meekly up at him.

"Uhhh…no."

We couldn't help but laugh.

"C'mon, Fred, we're gonna be late," I stood and offered my hand to him, smiling. He smiled back as he took my hand and I swear my heart skipped a beat.

[[…]]

I practically bounced in Divination. Several people looked at me strangely, but I didn't really take notice. "Angie!" I exclaimed, all but smothering her with a hug. "Well? Well? Did he do it? Tell me!" Angie laughed and blushed slightly, laughingly pushing me away from her. "Geez, you're suffocating me! And slow down, I can't understand you!"

I dropped into my seat, scooting to the edge and peering at her excitedly. "Well? Did he do it?" Angie looked at me innocently.

"Did who do what?"

I growled. "Angie! You _know _who I'm talking about! George, remember? 5"10, red hair, twin to Fred! Now tell me!"

"_Oh, _you mean him? Well~" Angie tapped a finger on her chin.

"Angie!"

"Oh, alright," She grinned at me. "It's fun to tease you. Yeahh, girl, George asked me out." The brown-haired girl had a smug look on her face. Thus I glomped her.

"FINALLY!"

"Is there anything you would like to share with us, girls? Something… good, maybe?" Professor Trelawney's voice cut in. I let go of the soon-be-Weasley (whose face was turning a surprising shade of red and was gasping for air. Oops…), and turned to face her. "Nope!" I popped the p. "Just trying to prove to Angie I'm not a leprechaun. See, they can't show affection to other people because they're so grouchy and greedy. See! I'm no leprechaun! I show affection all the time!" I beamed at her.

Most of the class cracked up at the irony in that sentence—I'm short, okay? Professor Trelawney just nodded absentmindedly, and said (in that creepy-raspy voice of hers), "I see, I see," then ordered us to pour the tea into our rather interesting-looking (note: ugly) cups.

During the time of which I was trying to decide what Angie's future will look like (Wooooo!) a note landed on my desk. I looked at the note then over my shoulder at Fred (who was the only possible person that would write me, other than Smithers, but it's not like I'd really read a note from him, he's a creepy stalker guy), who mimed reading it. I grinned and set the (ugly) cup down.

_Hey,_

_So wanna sneak out and go to the Black Lake Tonight? I have something I want to talk to you about, 'kay? I'll bring your favorites from the Kitchens!(;_

_Fred_

I smiled…and then the note was ripped from my hands. I turned red and smacked Angie, reaching out for it. Angie dodged me as I threw a quill at her, eyes scanning. "Give it back!" Angie peered from behind the edge of the note and eyed me slyly. "Soo…someone's got a date with Fred, huh?" She threw the note back at me and I shoved it back into my pocket, glaring at her well also turning a deeper shade. "You shut up!" I could hear Fred and George's snickering from across the room, so I turned and pinned my glare at them.

_Yo, doushe._

_You got me, Freddikins! XD I just can't resist x) Oh and you might want to be QUIET when you laugh because I COULD HEAR YOU from ACROSS THE ROOM!_

_I'll meet you at there at eleven, okay, you freaking douche bag?_

_Ezzy _

I folded it up and tucked it in my copy of the Divination book, before chucking it across the room. Thankfully, my aim failed me, and hit both George _and _Fred in the face. Trust me—it's possible. I was aiming for the bookshelf next to them. I smirked. That'd leave a pretty red mark…

"There's the book you wanted to borrow, guys!" Angie and I stifled a laugh, at their faces (wide with shot and pain. Muahahahaha). Angie turned back to me and raised a dark eyebrow.

"I don't think chocolate's the only reason you're going tonight, I think you just can't resist Fred..." I whacked her with my Divination book (and missing, because I have such suckish aim). Angie laughed, smirking all the while. I rolled my eyes at her. Sometimes, she had a little too much fun teasing me.

_Ezzy –_

_Did you really have to hit me and George with that book? It hurt you know! TT _

_See you tonight,_

_Fred_

[[…]]

"Yo!"

"OH MY FU—"Fred scared the living crap out of me by sliding down out of the tree. Really, how does he do it? Am I just obvious or something_? _"—Fugly Men. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. _Dammit, _Fred, stop doing that!"

Fred just gave me this innocent look. "What did I do?"

"You know what you did!" I hit him on the shoulder with my book several times (Close range so I didn't miss). "Ow, ow, ow," he laughed quietly, arms coming up slightly and crossing to protect himself.

Then, I'm quite sure I heard snickering.

"Fred?" I lowered my book, looking around confusedly. "Did that bush… just laugh at me?"

Said person just cocked an eyebrow at me. "I didn't hear anything."

"I must be hearing things…" I mumbled under my breath, flopping down on the bank of the Black Lake. It was really pretty, with the crescent moon and all. The red-head followed my lead and dropped next to me. "So, did you bring the goods?"

My Freddikins smiled at me. "'Course!" He pulled a bag out of his pocket, and set it between us. I immediately dove in, grabbed a handful of those delicious chocolates. I popped one into my mouth, and Fred's smile got really wide, like it did when he was really really happy. We sat there for a while, eating chocolates and watching as the inky surface of the water rippled.

"So, you wanted to talk to me about something, Freddy?" I sat up a little, leaning on my elbows and looking at him. He suddenly looked cornered, and a little scared. Fred stuttered. "Uh – Umm – well…" What the hell? Fred doesn't _ever _stutter (Although it's cute when he does do it) unless he's around Molly.

Hokay…I must be hearing things because the bushes are laughing at us again.

"Uh…Fred? You okay?"

"Uh, yeah…Um… Well, anyway…See…Uh…Arghhh," Fred sighed. "This…this is…hard for me to get out, okay? Just…just…" Sharp intake of breath. "Aww, forget it!" And he kissed me.

Oh.

My.

Freaking.

JESUS.

Fred _freaking _Weasley is kissing me. Kissing. Me. My body reacted faster than my mind did, 'cause I was suddenly kissing him back like there was no tomorrow. He pinned me to the ground, my back pressed into the sand and rocks on the beach. Holy Hell. I really hoped I would _never _wake up if it was a dream.

Fred pulled away from me (disappointment, he's a fantastic kisser) to breathe, and he leaned his forehead on mine. What he said next shocked me the most though:

"I love you, you…you…_hoecake_. Ever since that first insult."

I closed my eyes for a moment, thinking, _Oh my god, this is really happening, I'm not dreaming, am I? _I opened them back up and said,

"I didn't fall for you. You effing tripped me, doushe bag." Fred's eye snapped open. I guess he was expecting to be hit or something. Pshhh. Idiot. "So I _guess_ I love you too, because you caught me." I grinned mischievously, and my idiot kissed me again, leaving me breathless and blushing.

"Hell yeah!"

Pause.

"_Damn_!"

"Angie! You gave us away!"

"Shut it, George!"

"Oh _shit_! Angela, _run_!"

_Yeah_, those bitches better run.

" I l o v e y o u t o o h o e c a k e "

[[…]]

**My muse: My best friend, because she totally made up the word hoecake.**

Crap. I get self-conscious. Tell me what you think, please? I, of course, think it's crappy, but I will always love you if you tell me what you think. Constructive criticism is loved, and note: flamers will be burned with their own flame.(: I can't believe it's finished finally! I'm so happy.

Anyway; here's a little background, 'cause you're probably wondering about the "Insult name" & "You tripped me" things. See, when Fred and Ezzy met, he accidently tripped her on the stairs; then caught her arm before she could hit the ground. She got mad 'cause of her short temper and insulted him. They hated each other for like the first year, them during second it slowly turned into a game of some sort. They made a truce, became friends and they called each other names for the hell of it. Thus, the names for their insult-nicknames are "insult names." Get it? Good. 

It's finite! So Ta Lovelies!(:

-Grayy,(:


End file.
